It's also important to note that I've never been able to take medicine and the body as seriously as some of my colleagues. Words like "smegmocele" are meant to be laughed at.
Anyway, I found myself in the newborn nursery as my first official peds assignment. Examining a fresh one makes sense; I, myself, am also relatively fresh when it comes to baby parts and innards. Imagine my shock (and awe? Horror?) when I learn from my matronly and stoic attending that BABIES HAVE BOOBIES. Not "awwww, that's a chubby baby" mounds of fat, but actual functioning breasts. To emphasize the point, said attending invites me to palpate the little boy's chest for proof.
It gets worse. Hours later, when I think that there's no other pediatrician on earth that would bother pointing out the superfluous baby boobs, another doctor actually encourages me to MILK A BABY. A boy baby. In front of his crestfallen father.
I could get all science-y and give an accurate explanation of why this happens to newborns, but the fact is that this poor baby's dad is never going to get that image out of his head. This unwitting pediatrician has just caused years of daddy issues for this boy... he's going to wonder why dad forces him to go to the strip club for $9.95 all-you-can-eat ribeye or watch UFC when all he wants to do is go to Chuck-E-Cheese with the other kindergartners.
All of this because any good doctor needs to milk a newborn once in their career.
Wow. I never knew about this. Coincidentally, I was asked this week if I would sell my breast milk on the black market. I said I would not. I'm not even lactating, so I don't know why I was asked this question, but when I told my mother about it, she said you could make your body start to lactate and that some groups encourage adoptive mothers to do so to breastfeed their child. I can't believe this is all coming up in the same week. Weird.....
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