Guess what, kids. I've figured it out!
The number one thing I've learned in the last few months is that one needs to know their limits AND, this is key, be comfortable with them. At this point in my life, it mostly pertains to what I can and can't handle in a career environment, like whether or not I want to see patients on a continual basis or just "treat 'em and street 'em." I have to be honest with myself; I take things personally. I get overly emotional and cry a lot. Are these traits that are conducive to a career with the mentally ill? Or even seeing sick people in general? I don't know anymore.
Obviously this goes a lot deeper than just medicine. For a long time I didn't pay any attention to my internal barometer and ended up feeling deflated and foolish. My family, both blood and friend-family, brings a lot to my table but also takes their fair share from the buffet (bitches, get your hands off my cornbread!). I think I always knew where I wanted to draw the line with my inner circle, but because I love them, lines got fuzzy and I got sad. Sacrificing my personal sanity doesn't do any good in the long run if I'm burnt out and resentful.
I like the fact that I'm going to be a doctor in 13 months. I also like the fact that I can emotionally connect to someone, and I don't want to lose that after seeing a career's worth of pain and ugliness. Where my balance is, I'm not 100% sure anymore, but I think the questions now are worth the outcome in the end.
So there you have it. Another "duh" moment from your favorite doctor-in-training.
